If you haven't yet, go ahead and read Marriage: Part 1.
Now how about husbands? A lot of men enjoy focussing on the first part of Ephesians 5:22-33 and choose ignore the huge paragraph that talks to them. Let's be honest, it's a lot easier to point the finger and ask someone else to fix themselves rather than take responsibility for yourself.
It starts off by telling husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. What does that mean? Christ's entire life here on earth was dedicated to the church. He loved those who didn't deserve love, He loved without condition, and He loved to the point of torture and death for those completely undeserving. So as husbands, we are to mirror this type of love. I find it difficult sometimes to love my wife when she's done something to upset me, but we are called to love unconditionally. Unconditional love is really the only true form of love and is extremely difficult, requiring much discipline and self control.
What else was Christ to the church? Christ was, and still is, our leader. Wives are supposed to submit and follow us as leaders but how can they do so if we don't make ourselves leaders. That doesn't mean to selfishly dictate and take advantage of our wives. It means that we need to step up and utilized the tools and resources provided by our Lord to become leaders. We need to reflect Christ in every way, especially in our marriage.
I heard on Grace FM one time, I wish I could remember who it was so that I could give proper credit, a depiction of the Biblical model of marriage. We're met with somewhat of a paradox, man and wife are joined and become one flesh (equal) but yet the wife is to submit to the husband seemingly making this balance unequal. In this model the wife kneels before her husband in love, respect and submission but at the same time the husband lifts up his wife in love, admiration and respect so that they can face one another eye to eye! I found this to be so poetic and beautiful! Please read the following from Ephesians with that model in mind, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
Doesn't that create such a beautiful and glorious image in your mind?!
This country's divorce rate is not the least bit surprising to me when reading through Ephesians 5. But my question still remains unanswered, "Why get married if you're not a Christian?" The only answers that seem to come to mind are to create a stable environment for which to raise children or to create a false sense of a commitment. Studies do show that homes with both a mother and father produce better functioning children. As far as commitment goes, marriage just makes for a messy legal breakup known as divorce, which isn't stopping half of America.
So I'm going to conclude this by saying, please don't get married for "tradition" or "because it feels right" or some washed up meaningless reason like that. Put some freaking work into it and stop turning this beautiful, amazing gift that God has blessed us with into a joke.
I think it would be worth while to study the ways that Christ loves the church. Much of our understanding of what the marriage relationship should be is more cultural than biblical. As in women should be in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Men should rule the house with an iron fist and take control over his wife. Christ does not love us by smothering us or controlling us. He allows us to make mistakes, forgives us, and helps us to grow through the experience. To me this is far from many christian men's, or women's, understanding. Can we stand back and let our spouse take chances? Can we stand back and let them fail and respond lovingly, without always throwing it back in their face? Do we insist that things must be done our way or can we allow our spouse to make their own decision, whether we agree or not? A wife should submit but a husband should love his wife by being willing to give her the freedom and encouragement to think for herself.
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