My Love/Hate Relationship with Emotions

Being a musician, emotions and feelings are a big part of my life.  Music would be rather bland and pointless if we didn't possess emotions.  I can't tell you how pumped I get in a pile up on a catchy sing-along at a local show.  How great does it feel when you hear a song that can relate to you?  Emotions are such an awesome gift that God has sprinkled into our lives.  Without them we would just be robots.  They allow us to enjoy life and can sometime help us make difficult decisions.  Have you ever found yourself about to make a poor decision and changed your mind because you felt guilty?  I know I have.

Just like all the other blessings God has graciously given us, emotions can be used in ways unintended.  Emotions are great to consider when making difficult decisions, but it seems as if in modern times they have become the sole factor in our decision making process.  Do you think such a vast amount of Americans would suffer from such terrible credit card debt if decisions were based on wise reason rather than rampant emotions?

In order to understand the point I'm making, you need to properly understand emotions (an understanding that most of America lacks).  Emotions are not feelings that just exist with no control or reason, rather emotions are a byproduct of our subconscious.  People tend to think that the emotions that they feel are directly related to their respective circumstances.  This is false.  As we go through life, everything we experience is first filtered through our subconscious and then we are filled with the emotion that our subconscious is trained to respond with.

I'll give you an example.  My father is a musician and my mother is a colored pencil artist (check out her AMAZING work at anitaorsini.blogspot.com!) who grew up in an era filled with self discovery and rebellion of the social norm.  So as I grew up I was always taught to be myself and not care what people thought.  I was enrolled in a private Christian school from Pre-K through 12th grade.  This school had more rules than you could possibly image.  No long hair, no piercing, no facial hair, no tattoos, no flip flops, tuck your shirt in... you get the idea.  So this atmosphere was obviously completely contrary to that which I was raised in.  Therefore, I felt anger towards my school and rebelled by finding any loophole I could in the rules.  Now whenever I am in any atmosphere of legalism, I feel anger.  I feel as if I'm being controlled, changed and dehumanized.  Is this always the case?  Most of the time, no.

Some of my anger may be righteous but when turned to rebellion and discord it is obviously not.  This has been an ongoing struggle in my life.  So who do I blame for my negative feelings and poor reactions?  Myself.  I can't take responsibility for others actions, only mine.  And just because I feel something doesn't make it reality.  Since my feelings are not necessarily reality than it would be foolish to make it reality without serious consideration.

In order to wisely utilize our feelings and emotions we need to learn how to control them by means of controlling our subconscious.  If we let our subconscious run wild then we let our emotions run wild leaving our entire life in chaos and discord.

Marriage: Part 2

If you haven't yet, go ahead and read Marriage: Part 1.

Now how about husbands?  A lot of men enjoy focussing on the first part of Ephesians 5:22-33 and choose ignore the huge paragraph that talks to them.  Let's be honest, it's a lot easier to point the finger and ask someone else to fix themselves rather than take responsibility for yourself.

It starts off by telling husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.  What does that mean?  Christ's entire life here on earth was dedicated to the church.  He loved those who didn't deserve love, He loved without condition, and He loved to the point of torture and death for those completely undeserving.  So as husbands, we are to mirror this type of love.  I find it difficult sometimes to love my wife when she's done something to upset me, but we are called to love unconditionally.  Unconditional love is really the only true form of love and is extremely difficult, requiring much discipline and self control.

What else was Christ to the church?  Christ was, and still is, our leader.  Wives are supposed to submit and follow us as leaders but how can they do so if we don't make ourselves leaders.  That doesn't mean to selfishly dictate and take advantage of our wives.  It means that we need to step up and utilized the tools and resources provided by our Lord to become leaders.  We need to reflect Christ in every way, especially in our marriage.

I heard on Grace FM one time, I wish I could remember who it was so that I could give proper credit, a depiction of the Biblical model of marriage.  We're met with somewhat of a paradox, man and wife are joined and become one flesh (equal) but yet the wife is to submit to the husband seemingly making this balance unequal.  In this model the wife kneels before her husband in love, respect and submission but at the same time the husband lifts up his wife in love, admiration and respect so that they can face one another eye to eye!  I found this to be so poetic and beautiful!  Please read the following from Ephesians with that model in mind, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

Doesn't that create such a beautiful and glorious image in your mind?!

This country's divorce rate is not the least bit surprising to me when reading through Ephesians 5.  But my question still remains unanswered, "Why get married if you're not a Christian?"  The only answers that seem to come to mind are to create a stable environment for which to raise children or to create a false sense of a commitment.  Studies do show that homes with both a mother and father produce better functioning children.  As far as commitment goes, marriage just makes for a messy legal breakup known as divorce, which isn't stopping half of America.

So I'm going to conclude this by saying, please don't get married for "tradition" or "because it feels right" or some washed up meaningless reason like that.  Put some freaking work into it and stop turning this beautiful, amazing gift that God has blessed us with into a joke.

Honesty

I'm going to diverge a little bit just to give you a little insight into myself today.

I seem to have been struck with a bout of depression and maybe a hint of anxiety.  I find that when I get depressed it's either a direct cause of something happening in my life or it comes about as though I've caught a cold, I can guess where it came from but it's all just speculation.  I find this particular case to be among the latter as well as the most frustrating.  I've been digging my mind for hours trying to find the source of these debilitating emotions that seem to have latched onto me today.  If I find the source of the problem then I can fix it right?  Sometimes this is true, but even if I can't fix it I feel slightly eased knowing where this is coming from.  

When I was faced with my appendectomy, I was so overwhelmed by the extreme pain in my abdomen.  It was a pain that I had never before experienced.  I was doing ridiculous things like hanging upside down from my bed just to try and ease this mysterious ailment.  When my worried wife and mother finally convinced me to go to the ER and we discovered the source of my agony; I was relieved even though I knew I would soon encounter my first ever surgery.  The words, "You have appendicitis," were more calming than the powerful painkillers they would soon inject intravenously.  Why is this?

It may have something to do with my Mr. Fix It mentality.  Growing up, my father would fix and build everything and much of the time I was by his side helping or watching at least.  Soon after learning how to ride a bike without training wheels, I learned how to fix the chain that I had just popped off the sprocket.  After a hurricane would hit, my dad and I would be out in the backyard replacing the fence that had just been blown over.  It is in my very nature to fix!  Fixing things is part of what, I feel at least, makes me a man.  Therefore I am digging myself deeper in this pit of depression because not only am I depressed, but I can't find the source, meaning I can't fix it which in turn makes me more depressed!  Freakin' catch 22!

I'm pretty sure I suffer from some form of chemical imbalance that can be fixed with some meds.  Now you're probably thinking, "So he tells us to go to a psychologist but he doesn't go himself?!  Hypocrite!"  Yes, I know, I know.  In my defense, my finances aren't quite stable at the moment and, unfortunately, the whole process of becoming properly medicated can be a bit financially draining.  But that is a completely separate rant that will probably be dedicated to its own post later on.  So for now I think I'll wrap this case up by saying that this is the source of a chemical imbalance that will be dealt with when my finances are stable enough to do so.  In fact, just typing this up has made me feel quite a bit better.

I think I'll conclude this with a picture of my recent antidepressants.  Nothing like taking funny Photobooth pictures with the woman of my dreams, my amazing sister in law, Chiara, and the darn coolest puppy ever, Walter:

Marriage: Part 1

This friday my sister-in-law is getting married.  I am extremely happy for her, but in light of all the preparations, I began to think about marriage more strongly.

One question that seems to keep coming into my mind over and over, and that I've shared with my wife, is, "Why get married if you're not a Christian?"  This question may come off as ignorant or elitist but it's not intended.  I have truly been tossing this question around for days.

In Christianity there are many reasons and purposes for marriage.  The one most profound to me is how marriage is a reflection of the Gospel.  It astounds me time and time again to see the way God uses us to reflect himself!

Please take a second and read Ephesians 5:22-33.

In this passage, Paul is comparing the rolls of the husband and wife in marriage to the rolls of Christ and the Church in the Gospel.  He tells wives to submit to their husbands as the Church submits to Christ.  Submit?!  I know, that's a word that doesn't come up in our society too often, and when it does, it isn't very welcome.  But let's step back and realize what he is saying for a second.  How does the Church submit to Christ?  Are we victim to Christ's malevolent, selfish dictations?  No!  We are led by a benevolent, holy, loving, just, wise, perfect Lord who has our best interest in mind.  "Submit" doesn't sound quite so harsh in that context now, does it?

I think I'll pick up with the husband's roll tomorrow.  Exhaustion is beginning to set in.  Good night.

Creating Money Makers: Part 3

If you haven't yet, please read the first parts of this post: Creating Money Makers: Part 1 and Creating Money Makers: Part 2.


Now lets see if I can tame this rabid beast of a blog that I seem to have created!


So where did I get the title for this blog series?  Well, as I mentioned my grade school experience, what was the one thing that I could do with what I had been taught?  Make money!  Therefore it is drilled into my head that my only purpose on this earth is to work and make money.  Is it then not surprising that we, in the US, suffer so strongly from depression, anxiety and exhaustion?  


Where do those who refuse to turn to psychiatrists, counselors, the Church and the Bible go?!  They must latch on to whatever is around them.  I find that my first place to turn is those around me.  This is actually something I would suggest to one with a trustworthy peer group and good sense of discretion.  But where else?  How about advertising?  Thirty second ads in the Super Bowl cost almost $3 million!  If ads had no affect on our decision process, I highly doubt any company would drop that much money in a half minute.  Many just mask life with drugs, alcohol or other addictions.  I know I did for a period in my life.  Even video games can be our answer to problems.  I know when I have a rough day, sometimes I just like to hop on some Call of Duty and zone out of life.  BOOM! Headshot!  But seriously, if not controlled, this is also something that too may become out of hand.


You're probably thinking right now, "Where the frick is he going with all this?!"


We're born, put into school where we learn what's necessary to get a job, maybe go to college and continue, get a job, maybe a family and die.  This isn't our purpose!  Even those of us who are Christians fight through this.  The Bible tells us that we don't fight a battle of flesh and blood.  One of the hardest battles we fight on a day to day basis is against ourselves, our subconscious.  It is what drives us to make decisions on the fly, what we weigh pros and cons on, what gives us that funny feeling about something or makes us understand something in a completely different light than someone else.  The amazing thing is, we have no clue that it's happening!  Every second of every day we experience our subconscious without even knowing it.


In this blog I want to document my experience with the subconscious and how I can use it to glorify God.  Yes, it is possible to take control of your subconscious.  No, it's not always easy.


I recall a story in the Bible where Jesus is answering questions from the Pharisees (aka: haters).  So they were being jerks and trying to trip Jesus up.  One asked Him what the greatest commandment of all is.  Now this guy probably thought he was a genius!  If there's 10 commandments, how can one be greater than the other?!  Jesus responds by telling him that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind.  If you think about it, that commandment encompasses all the commandments.  WHAT A SLAP IN THE FACE!!!  Jesus' wit amazes me!


"Chris, you were just talking about your blog and then you jumped into a Bible story.  What's going on here?!"


To finally kind of wrap up this 3 part series I started, Jesus tells us to not only love God with our hearts and souls but with our mind!  Many people think that that just means to think thoughts that aren't sinful.  But that's just using the conscious part of our mind.  We need to learn the love God with our conscious and subconscious mind and I'm gonna bring you with me as I learn to do so.

Creating Money Makers: Part 2

If you haven't yet, please read the first part of this post: Creating Money Makers: Part 1.

Now that leaves us with 2 aforementioned topics: the Bible and the church.

I find that when I don't turn to the Bible in times of need it means one of two things, either I don't trust that God has the answer to my problem or I don't know my Bible well enough to know where to turn.  These are both rather common and understandable issues with Christians.  Would I say that you're a "bad Christian" because you doubt? Absolutely not.  Doubting gives us the opportunity to work out our salvation in fear and trembling, driving us back into the Bible.

I find that sometimes I will even have difficulty bringing up the Bible among other Christians.  Why is this?  I have come to realize that I fear being seen as one of those uber-Christian friends that can't talk about the weather without going into some hyper trendy Christian babble (ya you know who I'm talking about).  This is a result of two separate extremes, two separate abuses.  On one hand, Christianity is seemingly suppressed as to not offend others, being real and relatable and still in the world but not of the world.  On the other hand, Christianity is turned into a trend that can easily evolve into the self-righteous regurgitating of feel-good Christian lingo.  I understand both of these very well as I have struggled with both.  We need to find the middle ground, being passionate about the Gospel without making our Christianity just another trendy obsession.

And now for a topic in which I will have difficulty keeping concise: the Church.
I can't tell you how disgusted I am with the way people treat the Church these days.  They walk into a building that they understand as being "the church", sit in a pew (or flip down stadium seat), and see what the church has prepared for them this week.  NO NO NO NO NO!  The Church is NOT and building, it is NOT a source of entertainment, it is NOT made to make you feel good and it is NOT made FOR you it is made BY you!

Please take a minute and read 1st Corinthians 12:12-31.

I can't tell you how sick I am of seeing church turned into a franchise.  It's like McDonalds, it's appealing, it'll fill you up and they're freaking everywhere.  You roll in Saturday night (cause who wants to wake up Sunday morning?!  I mean its my freaking day off!), start off with I nice performance, then you get a few laughs and a Bible verse peppered in here and there, and then one more rockin' song to make you feel good on the way out.  Makes me sick.

The Church is a community and with the way people understand the church these days, it's no wonder that it is so difficult for people to humble themselves and seek guidance from the church.  I've been friends with my pastor's family since I was 5.  I used to eat dinner with them on a weekly basis.  I would play video games with one son almost every day and I've played music with the other for years.  Their daughter used to babysit me.  One time I went into anaphylactic shock and she had to call 911.  Do I feel a sense of community with my pastor?  Of course!  When I need assistance that I know the church can offer and/or was intended to offer, do I have any difficulty turning to my pastor?  Absolutely not!

Well once again this is going longer than I intended.  See you again at Creating Money Makers: Part 3

Creating Money Makers: Part 1

When I was in grade school, they taught me math, science, english, history, art, etc.  What they failed to teach me (and what all schools in the US fail to teach) was how to deal with life.  When I had an emergency appendectomy leaving me out of work for 2 weeks and a $64,000 hospital bill with no insurance, what do I do?  How do I support my wife after losing a paycheck?  Where do I get more than 2 1/2 years wages to pay this bill?  When I find myself in a pit of despair without a hope in the world, how did I get there?  How do I get out?  I didn't learn how to deal with these things, neither did I learn any practical tools to aid me in the situations.


So where do we turn to learn such things?  Did I hear someone say "Jesus!"?  Shut up and stop being a know-it-all.  Many people find different places to go when dealing with life.  Some people go to psychiatrists, counselors, the Bible, the church... these are all great places to turn.  But the problem is, these facets are largely looked down upon in our society and greatly misunderstood.


When my wife and I tell people that we are going to counseling, many will seem to be struck with a look of, "Oh, I'm so sorry!"  That's a terrible response!  We should be met with joy and admiration when telling people such news.  We acknowledge that there are means by which we can improve our marriage and glorify God better in it, AND WE'RE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THEM!!!


Now my beef with the stigma of going to a psychiatrist.  We go to the doctor for our physical health, why not go do a doctor for our mental health?!  I'm not gonna post all the statistics here, but please go a Google how common mental illnesses such as bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc. are.  Many people are apposed to mental health medications due to bad experiences or bad stories they've heard.  What many don't understand is treating chemical imbalances isn't like treating strep throat.  There's no exact formula that works for everyone.  Some have terrible reactions to certain meds and some will perform amazingly on the same.  I have experienced this personally and with people around me.


I'm going to take a break here because this post is getting rather lengthy.  I will pick up with Creating Money Makers: Part 2 at a later time.